I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
