omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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