found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dicks are not precious.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
