I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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