Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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