she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
