It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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