He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
