The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
