My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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