So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
