His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You took a bar mat shot.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
