so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
