Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
