What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
