i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
