happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
