either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
