oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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