i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
