i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
