Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
