Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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