Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
