I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
