Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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