I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize