if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
