So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize