She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
