We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
