I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
