Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
