haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
