You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
