and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
