All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
