It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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