Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
