I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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