I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
