Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize