theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
