god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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