we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize