I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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