Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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