I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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