goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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