He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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