i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
