TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm having to shit out rocks
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