I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
