he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
