Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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