Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
