WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
