you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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