I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you have to choose: penises or morals?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize