can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
