just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
